Crashback: Citations, Copyrights, Crashes

Real News posted by James Baughn on Thursday, July 25, 2002

from the truth-and-fiction-are-both-strange dept.

The bubble has burst. Linux Weekly News is almost gone, and Taco Boy will probably be forced to launch an "ASCII-thon Pledge Drive" to help save Slashdot within the coming months.

Humorix, however, with its six regular readers (up 200% from last year), is still going strong. Today is the fourth anniversary of the first Humorix article, which, in "dotcom years", makes us 2800 years old.

With the demise of Linux true news sites, Humorix may need to fill in the gap by publishing real news in addition to fake stuff. Indeed, we're already doing that. Several of our stories that were labeled as "Fake News" have become reality (or semi-reality).

However, even though we've engaged in deceptive advertising by mislabeling our true content as deceptions, it's our policy to never give out refunds. So there.

Don't cite your sources, get expelled for plagarism.
Do reference your sources, go to jail.

In "Court Rules Against 'Deep Citations'", we unfabricated a story in which copyright, lawyers were going after scholars for including page numbers within their bibliographies, thus including direct links to material in violation of copyright law. While such an argument hasn't held up in court, it's only a matter of time according to this editorial.

The Webification of Television continues

Ted Turner might not be unveiling his own All-Commercial Channel yet, but that doesn't matter, because the network TV stations have already embarked on the path of intrusive, pop-up advertising that has long been the mainstay of those Internet pioneers, porn webmasters.

Since we all know that watching television while skipping the ads is a crime worse than theft (at least according to our media overlords), it looks like we'll either have to break our "Simpsons" addictions -- or prepare to sit locked in front of the tube for several hours just to catch a twenty-two minute show.

Attack of the Meta-meta-meta-meta-complaint-bounce-flames

Back in November 2000, we "reported" that a flood of spam emails, followed by email bounces, followed by meta-bounces, followed by flames about the meta-bounces, etc., had caused the Internet to crash. One writer for everybody's favorite tech publication, Ziff-Davis, recently warned that something like that could really happen.

Turn your code into @$_(*+_?-:@_*:"<>~($=`@#^(>[];

In one Humorix classic (well, only if you're so easily amused that you would consider anything we publish as "classic"), we described how some geek working in his basement had created "Polymorph", a compiler that "allows code from many languages to co-exist in a state of superposition within the same source file."

Somebody has done just that, although we're not sure if he was working in a basement at the time. The Perl module "Inline" gives programmers the freedom to further obfuscate their code by including snippets from several different languages within the same file. If your Perl code only vaguely resembles line noise, the Inline module will make it indistinguishable.

A better Slashdot than Slashdot

A few years ago, we featured a meta-portal website called "SlashGrok" that would take Slashdot, filter out all of the crap (i.e., 99% of everything), and produce a condensed version for people who want to get caught up on the news without spending hours reading Anonymous Coward's latest rants about Microsoft.

The real website AlterSlash comes close, and even includes cute signal-to-noise graphs for each article. From what we can tell, however, the AlterSlash software is not yet capable of correcting Taco Boy's many atrocious spelling and grammatical errors. Darn.

These profits are not here yet

It's been nearly three years since that glorious day when the geeks of the world waited to hear the official announcement of Transmeta's first product. We here at Humorix were the first to speculate that Transmeta was a front for illegal immigration and that their products were a hoax.

Okay, so Transmeta isn't smuggling in Finns as part of some fiendish conspiracy. But the company still doesn't seem to have much in the way of products, except for Linus Torvalds' celebrity status. We'll score this as a win.

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