Linux Distributor Admits Falsifying Bankruptcy To Increase Sympathy Sales
Fake News written by on Monday, January 27, 2003
WINSTON-SALEM, NC -- In a shocking announcement, Linux distributor Black Fedora (Nasdaq: delisted) admitted earlier today that the company falsified accounting records and understated its revenue by 60%.
"We hoped we could drum up sales by convincing hard-core Linux zealots that we were about to go under and that we desperately needed their support," explained Black Fedora's Vice President of Creative Marketing. "Our accountants used a variety of tricks to make it appear that we were only days away from bankruptcy, when in fact we have enough cash reserves to last at least three weeks."
Company executives hoped that the threat of bankruptcy would inspire Linux longhairs to actually buy their products instead of downloading ISOs for free. "Nobody wants to see a Linux distributor go under -- that just becomes another victory for Microsoft," said the company's CEO. "Besides, with each purchase you get a cute Tux Penguin doll wearing a black fedora. Now who wouldn't want that?"
Black Fedora would have gotten away with their accounting irregularities if it wasn't for one of the company's five stockholders that blew the whistle on the deception.
"Most companies figure that nobody ever looks at their financial disclosures, but I did," said the whistleblower, Eric McFlurgelhan of 421 Oak Street in North Podunk, NC. "I figured something was wrong when the company only listed $40 in revenue last quarter. I knew four of my friends purchased Black Fedora Advanced Server at $60 a pop, so it was obvious that revenue had to be higher than that..."
An investigator for the Securities and Exchange Commission was perplexed by Black Fedora's fraud. "I've seen many companies that overstated their revenue and assets to fool investors into thinking their stock was still worth something when in fact the company CEO had already stolen all the money and bought a small island in the Pacific. But I've never seen the opposite. Why would any company want people to think they were about to become bankruptcy bait?"
Since the deception didn't cost investors any money, no charges or lawsuits are expected to be filed against the company, although several customers have demanded refunds. The president of the North Carolina Linux World Domination Committee complained, "If I had known that Black Fedora was doing okay, I would have spent my sympathy money on something else, such as Humorix -- everybody knows that outfit could go belly up at any time..."