"Reality TV For Geeks" Canceled Due To Lack Of Interest
Fake News written by on Wednesday, July 30, 2003
HOLLYWOOD -- Two weeks ago, the cable TV network "Fsck", billed as the "First TV Network For Geeks", spent millions hyping a new series of "reality" shows aimed at geeks. However, due to a total lack of interest, programs such as "Who Wants To Hit Somebody Over The Head With A Clue Stick?", "Crash Factor", "The Amazing Race Condition", "Noosphere Idol", and "Lusers Say The Darndest Things", have all been canned.
"It was a complete marketing disaster," explained soon-to-be-fired FsckTV executive Madison Awvinoo. "We should have known better than to think that geeks would sit on the couch mindlessly watching inane programs about complete strangers they couldn't care less about. In fact, the whole popularity of 'reality TV' is a mystery to begin with."
Of the shows, "The Amazing Race Condition" seemed the most likely to succeed, but it bombed terribly. In it, teams competed against each other to be the first to breach the security of a major computer system. However, the show producers made the mistake of selecting a Windows-based computer as the target system. The teams wasted no time in finding the holes, which meant that the pilot episode consisted of five minute of actual action followed by 39 minutes of filler.
"I blinked and the competition was over," said one viewer who hated the show. "It was so pointless. It was like watching 'Jeopardy!' with Alex Treebark asking questions like, 'What's two plus two?' What a waste of precious broadcast spectrum."
Another promising show, "Noosphere Idol", also had a hard time connecting with the audience. On this show, contestants had sixty seconds to perform on stage and impress a panel of judges selected from Slashdot freaks with low-numbered accounts and high-level karma. One contestant recited the first two hundred digits of PI while juggling Ethernet cards. The winner performed a stand-up comedy routine that started with the line, "A rabbi, a lawyer, and a SCO executive are sitting in a bar and..."
"Who Wants To Hit Somebody Over The Head With A Clue Stick?", a show in which engineers and Pointy Haired Bosses are locked in an office building and must co-exist together for five months without going insane, also didn't fare very well. Focus group sessions revealed that the show was far too realistic and made most viewers uncomfortable.
"This show strikes far too close to home," explained one viewer. "I have to hear managers misuse buzzword phrases like 'core knowledge face-time synergy empowerment sessions' and 'PERC-based management paradigm context enablers' all the time. Why would I want to watch the same thing on TV?"