Humorix Obtains Patent On April Fool's Day Hoaxes
Fake News written by on Thursday, April 1, 2004
HUMORIX WORLD HEADQUARTERS -- Low-budget Linux humor site Humorix (Nasdaq: FAUX) announced today that it has been granted Patent #5,434,091,623 covering the "creation and dissemination of ficticious content on a predetermined day of the year for the purpose of fooling and/or embarassing members of the public."
"We intend to vigorous enforce our new patent," explained the head of Humorix's new Vast Intellectual Property Protection Racket & Spy Network(tm)(patent pending). "In particular, Slashdot published several April Fool's Day stories today in clear violation of our patent. We are attempting to contact Taco Boy to work out a reasonable settlement which will provide enough money for our chief lawyer, Dr. Noah Morals, to purchase his second luxury yacht."
It's not immediately clear, however, if Slashdot and other April Fool sites will attempt to use prior art as a defense. "Slashdot publishes stories of dubious authenticity every day of the year," said one industry pundit. "What makes April 1st any different?"
Another industry observer pointed out, "There's no reason to panic here. Surprisingly, we can't blame the USPTO for this blunder. No, Humorix's patent was actually granted by a tiny Asian country known as Elcheapostan, which derives 94% of its GDP from reselling SCO Linux licenses and granting worthless patents that look good in press releases but have no legal standing."
Humorix's lawyer quickly dismissed the Elcheapostan connection. "We expect that the US Patent and Trademark office will also approve our patent application shortly -- my staff of legal assistants drafted a patent so dense with buzzwords that they will have no choice but to accept it," explained Dr. Morals.
"At that point," he continued, "I will go after hundreds of dotcom sites -- and every one of their readers. Soon I will become famous as the industry's most evil lawyer -- even surpassing you-know-who! I hope I can get a book deal out of this..."