Humorix Receives Donation From Microsoft

Press Release posted by James Baughn on Thursday, November 25, 2004

from the we're-in-the-microsoft-money! dept.

Press Release, For Immediate Release

REDMOND, WA -- Microsoft Corp. (Nasdaq: MSFT), the world's most profitable, successful, and ethical software company in the Universe, is pleased to announce a $20 donation to Humorix (Nasdaq: Delisted), a tech-oriented humor website.

"We now love Microsoft," said Mr. G. E. Trich, Humorix's Chief Accountant & Executive Book Cooker. "As a result of this deal, the Humorix website will soon be upgraded to feature new Microsoft-friendly content. In the meantime, the staff has been invited to a quiet retreat at the Microsoft Re-Education Center in Redmond."

The transaction comes on the heels of several charitable contributions given by Microsoft to such organizations as Apple, Sun, CCIA, and many more. "We are the world leader in philanthropy and goodwill," said the Microsoft Vice President of Manufacturing Positive Public Relations. "Our mission is to use these inducements to unite the software industry under the banner of the Microsoft Way... We hope to convert hostile enemies into friendly supplicants."

"It's obvious that our attacks on Microsoft during the last five years have been terribly misguided," said James Baughn, Humorix founder and personal recipient of a generous $9.50 benefaction from Microsoft. "I'm a born-again Windows fan."

"This groundbreaking agreement will redefine the tech-related fake news industry and help the children," stated another Humorix staffer. "I'm looking forward to embracing the One Microsoft Way and learning about all of the innovative technology I have missed because of my ill-placed allegiance to the inferior Linux platform."

After the transition, both of Humorix's regular readers can look forward to upgraded humor articles, such as:

  • Nine Out Of Ten Terrorists Prefer Linux
  • Open Source Or Open Sores? The Answer Is Obvious
  • Can You Trust Your Company To Software Produced By Hackers Who Can Be Easily Bought By The Competition?
  • Stuck At Zero RPM: Why Linux Package Management Sucks
  • Linux Is A United Nations Conspiracy To Destroy America
  • For Every Dollar The Open Source Community Has Donated To Charities, Bill Gates Has Given $1.6 Trillion
  • GNU/Linux GNU/Users GNU/Sick GNU/Of GNU/Richard GNU/M. GNU/Stallman
  • SCO's Lawsuit Is So Strong Microsoft Didn't Need To Give Them Any Money
  • Study: Windows Users Enjoy Better, More Frequent Sex
  • Groklaw Demonstrates The Power Of Clueless Groupthink
  • Blartner Group Uncovers Thousands Of Examples Of People Fired For Choosing Linux
  • Study: Linux Total Cost Of Ownership Is Lower... If You Have 28 Hours Per Day Available To Fix Weird Problems For Free
  • Historian: If It Wasn't For Patent Protection, Edison Wouldn't Have Bothered To Invent The Lightbulb
  • Linux's Criminal Disdain For Patents Is Patently Offensive
  • Flightless Bird An Excellent Mascot Choice For Flightless Operating System
  • FreeBSD Designed By People With Too Much Free LSD
  • Comparison: Windows XP vs. Red Hat Linux 5.1
  • Red Hat: An Obvious Reference To Communism
  • The GPL Takes Away Your Freedom To Use Microsoft Solutions
  • Using Old Linux CD-ROMs As Drink Coasters HOWTO
  • Windows Source Code Most Valuable Asset In World History; Insured At 19.3 Quadrillion Dollars
  • Myth Exposed: Slashdot Effect Crashes More Apache Servers Than IIS
  • Linux Groupies Paranoid About Microsoft World Domination Need To Seek Professional Treatment For Schizophrenia

The Humorix upgrade should be complete by the end of the year, with a special preview edition available by December 15 for registered members of the Microsoft Vast Fan Club® (formerly the Humorix Vast Spy Network).

Microsoft can be reached using MSN at www.microsoft.com.

Humorix can now be reached at supplicants.microsoft.com/humorix/default.aspx.

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