If You Think Spyware Is Bad Now, Just Wait

Fake News written by Cody Hollis-Perdue on Sunday, December 5, 2004

from the turning-your-athlon-into-an-8088 dept.

SILLYCON VALLEY -- It's a match made in silicon hell. The prestigious Head Through Monitor Treatment Center, an anti-spyware medical clinic, has signed a pact with the Spyware Creators Union of Mischief (SCUM), an alliance of pro-spyware companies.

The founder of the Head Through Monitor clinic, a Dr. Marlin Chanson, was ecstatic about the agreement. "The folks at Microsoft laughed in our faces when they told us our services would be rendered obsolete by Windows XP, which no longer had a problem with the Blue Screen of Death. But thanks to spyware and other modern afflictions, our waiting rooms are overflowing with patients suffering from computer rage. Look who's laughing now, Bill Gates!"

As part of the deal, the clinic will set aside 5% of profits to support SCUM's spyware projects. "It's a symbiotic relationship," Chanson explained. "They write software that drives people insane, and we make money by removing the software from their computers and offering mental health counseling and lots and lots of prescription drugs. We can't fail!"

When questioned about the potential threat posed by Linux to his operation, Chanson only said, "For the most part, we dislike Linux. Our old head doctor was a Linux geek, but we had to fire him because his doctorate was in computer science, not something medical. Contrary to popular belief, computer scientists do no make good doctors, and we wanted some return customers. Last week we only had three Linux cases: a person learning to use vi, a person waiting for emacs to load, and a 13-year-old suffering from depression after Ubuntu removed its sexy bootscreen."

"But we are not worried about Linux... there's simply too many people out there who will refuse to run anything other than Windows, even if it means the total loss of their sanity. But it is possible to run Windows without losing your marbles... I recommend visiting the Head Through Monitor clinic at least once per month for best results."

Many experts are predicting a sharp rise in business for HTM, especially those experts who own large quantities of their stock.

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