Microsoft Signs Strategic Alliance With China
Fake News written by on Wednesday, April 27, 2005
BEIJING -- The good news? Everybody in China will soon receive a new computer at no charge. The bad news? Everybody in China will soon receive a new computer at no charge... running Windows.
In an agreement hailed by observers as a "win-win" deal for the participants, but a "lose-lose" deal for everybody else, Microsoft has inked a 15 year partnership with China to provide free and low-cost hardware and software to the entire country. There are, of course, a few strings attached.
"Microsoft wins by embracing and extending a market with over 1 billion people," explained Ted Blartner, lead pundit for the Blartner Group. "China wins by forcing all of its citizens to use inferior software, making it difficult for them to go online and access banned material. This is one of the most brilliant manuevers ever made by Bill Gates."
Details of the partnership have not been disclosed, although rumors are circulating that Microsoft will introduce "Windows XP Reduced Freedom Edition" specifically for the Chinese market. Sources indicate that Windows RFE will include "new enhanced Internet security features" making the system more secure from "unauthorized accesses"... by the user.
Some pundits were initially shocked that Communist China had forged an alliance with America's most successful example of evil Capitalism. However, the match makes perfect sense. "Both regimes love to cut off the air supplies of their enemies," explained one pundit. "Meanwhile, the doctrine of 'One Microsoft Way' is something that the Chinese government can easily relate to. It's a perfect marriage."