Greece Demands Reparations For Ancient Intellectual Property Violations
Fake News written by on Thursday, September 15, 2005
ATHENS, GREECE -- Calling it the "greatest copyright violation in the history of civilization," the government of Greece issued a statement today demanding that Italy provide reparations for all of the countless ideas that were stolen by the ancient Romans.
"They took our gods and renamed them. They stole our stories and plays. They snatched our inventions and used them without compensation. It's been over two millenia and the people of Greece have never received so much as a 'Thank you' from the descendants of the pirate Romans. This injustice must end."
While the concepts of copyrights, patents, derivative works, and bark letters do not seem to have existed during the height of Greek or Roman civilizations, this minor legal obstacle is not stopping outraged Greek lawyers from pursuing their claims.
"Rome wasn't built in a day -- it took centuries of plundering Greek art, culture, mythology, politics, technology, and other valuable forms of intellecual property," ranted one lawyer. "And what, after all these years, does Greece have to show for it? 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'."
One lawyer has calculated, when adjusted for inflation, interest penalties, and currency conversions, that the total damages from Rome's piracy could easily surpass US$1,400,000,000,000,000,000.
"As the successor-in-interest to the Roman Empire, the nation of Italy owes us big time," said a Greek official.
But that's only the beginning. Greek lawyers also hope to collect royalties from other countries, such as the United States, for "pervasive use of stolen Greek architectural ideas." Boasted one lawyer, "If you own a building that violates our look-and-feel copyrights on the Parthenon and other Greek landmarks, then you'd better pony up at least US$50,000. And you don't even want to know the penalty for unauthorized use of Doric columns!"