Rendering HTML In Your Head? Bad Idea!

Fake News written by Cody Hollis-Perdue on Tuesday, December 13, 2005

from the error-between-chair-and-monitor dept.

If you thought the security holes in Internet Explorer were large enough to push a G-class star through, then you haven't seen anything yet. A new report released by the prestigious firm of Internet Security ® Us, Inc., warns that "organic-based holistic HTML parsing systems" (i.e. the human brain) pose the greatest threat to Internet security.

Many geeks have tried to avoid the growing insecurity of mainstream Web browsers by rendering HTML pages directly in their heads. However, it appears this solution is actually worse than the disease.

"Whether you access the Web through wget, telnet, avian carriers, or by whistling directly into an acoustic modem, you cannot escape from this vulnerability," said Wolf Kryir, spokesperson at Internet Security ® Us. "We have escalated the criticality of this problem from MODERATE to WE'RE ALL SCREWED."

The exploit is made possibly by the fact that the entire brain runs under a 'root' account that has full privileges. "As a result of this design flaw, once an attacker gains a foothold inside the brain's wetware, the entire body is then ready for their evil bidding."

Potential examples of this vulnerability include:

  • Daniel Robbins agreeing to work for Microsoft

  • Eric S. Raymond choosing the BSD license over the GPL

  • Microsoft engineers embracing security (the jury is still out on this one)

  • Top executives at Novell dropping KDE support

  • Mac OS X developers embracing Intel hardware

  • Scott McNealy's erratic business decisions

  • Two words: Darl McBride

One confirmed victim explained how his brain became rooted: "One minute I'm surfing a certain triple-X website for, ah, research purposes, and the next thing I know, I have this uncontrollable urge to rush out to a Claw-Mart Supercenter and buy 100 copies of a tabloid magazine with the headline 'Elvis Spotted On Mars' splashed across the cover!"

The researchers at Internet Security ® Us have been unable to determine the exact sequence of HTML tags that cause the vulnerability. They suspect that the exploit code looks something like:

<execute mode="root" timeframe="now">
Convert your company into a publicly-traded lawsuit by filing bogus suits against your former partners.


<hypnotize control="total">
<!-- You are getting very sleepy.
You are now under our control. -->
<suggestion implement="now">
Join the Dark Side. Microsoft is where you want to go today. </suggestion></hypnotize>

It's also possible that the offending code is more subtle, consisting of a certain combination of nested HTML tags or recursive JavaScript routines that leave the user's head spinning.

While numerous people have apparently fallen victim to the attack, no examples have been spotted in the wild. "Until a patch is developed for this problem, we strongly advise against using brain-based parsing technologies for surfing the Web. At the very least, make sure you reconfigure your wetware to ignore all extraneous HTML comments, JavaScript code blocks, and Flash applets."

Rate this story

No votes cast