"Conficker" Worm Fails To Deliver Linux Payload

Fake News written by James Baughn on Wednesday, April 1, 2009

from the we-can-always-dream dept.

For weeks, the media has been hyping the possibility that the infamous Conficker worm was going to do something "spectacular" on April 1. Many Linux longhairs silently hoped that Conficker was poised to forcibly download and install Linux on host computers as part of fiendish plan to upgrade to a better and stronger botnet.

The rumors and speculation, of course, have been a major bust.

"It would make perfect sense," wrote one Slashdot poster. "The bad guys who programmed Conficker are obviously hoping to construct a botnet capable of world domination. Using Linux, their evil botnet would be much more reliable and stable. The only downside is that end-users might grow suspicious when their computers started to run faster, the exact opposite of how infected computers [with Windows] usually behave."

Previous reports of Linux-installing malware, including the Tuxissa virus, have been a disappointment. "I had gotten my hopes up when I first read about Tuxissa, but that was merely a fake news story incorrectly attributed as an April Fool's Day hoax," said one of Humorix's two regular readers. "Dammit, I'm sick of waiting for Linux World Domination!"

Some Linux advocates, however, are happy that Conficker didn't do anything. "Windows is evil and so is Conficker. The two are made for each other -- Linux shouldn't get involved," said James Random Hacker.

Added another person willing to talk to us, "The last thing we need is an excuse by Homeland Security to declare Linux a terrorist threat. It's bad enough that we're already considered 'pirates' hell-bent on destroying intellectual-property rights and destroying capitalism and the very fabric of the Universe."

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