Standards Organization Created To Standardize Standards Organizations
Fake News written by on Wednesday, March 9, 2011
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND -- We've all heard the saying: "The great thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from."
In an effort to cope with this growing problem, a new organization called SCUMBAG (Standards Committee Uniting Mismatched Bureaucratic Agency Groups) has been created to set standards for other standards agencies.
"According to our research, the number of standards bodies worldwide has increased 15% each year for the last 30 years," explained SCUMBAG co-founder Shane Scummerson. "It's impossible to keep track of the proliferation of standards organizations, committees, consortia, agencies, associations, groups, foundations, institutes, boards, networks, underwriters, directorates, societies, bureaus, cabals, and smoke-filled back rooms. It's time to stop the madness!"
In order to stop the madness, the organization has published its first standard, SCUMBAG 9001, a system of processes for ensuring the highest quality production of standards.
"We're lobbying both the European Union and United States to mandate that all standards-settings organizations become SCUMBAG 9001 certified," Scummerson explained.
As part of the certification, standards organizations must demonstrate that they are capable of delivering standards with four basic attributes: Comprehensive, Retrospective, Adaptable, and Proactive. After achieving basic certification, standards organizations can opt for Level 2 certification by deploying standards that are Dynamic, Uniting, Necessary, and Goal-oriented. In the future, SCUMBAG hopes to offer a more advanced Level 3 certification for standards that are Sophisticated, Holistic, International, and Trendy.
Unfortunately, it's not entirely clear what all of this means in practical terms. When Humorix requested a copy of the Level 1 SCUMBAG 9001 Documentation Kit, we were told that the introductory manuals cost a cool US$10,000.
"Certification is an arduous journey of self-discovery, continual improvement, and writing us large checks," said Shay D. Outfitte, the organization's chief accountant. "We have to make money somehow. How else can we afford the marble floors of our new Geneva headquarters?"
Reaction by industry analysts has been mixed. "Nobody can actually explain what the [expletive] ISO 9001 certification actually means," said one curmudgeon. "I can't imagine that SCUMBAG 9001 certification is going to be any different. It's just one more layer of very expensive paperwork."
On the other hand, one columnist wrote, "We can't continue like this. We're running out of short acronyms for standards organizations, from ANSI to IETF to W3C. Hopefully SCUMBAG's certification program will thin the herd a bit, while improving the quality of the remaining organizations. If not, may $DIETY have mercy on us all."