Danish Linux Party: Coming To A Parliament Near You
Fake News written by on April 1, 2001
AFDERT Report: For Immediate Release
This morning the Sjælland Skåne Linux User Group (SSLUG), based in Copenhagen (Denmark) and Malmö (Sweden) has announced the creation of a new political party, the Linux Party (LP).
The first aim for the new political organization is to participate in the coming legislative elections and to win Parliament mandates. Danish election laws require that a party has to collect at least 20,000 supporters' signatures in order to run for Parliament. SSLUG has over 6,000 members in Denmark and Sweden.
The LP's political programme includes:
- Political orientation: more socialist than the Social-Democrat Party and more liberal than the Liberal (Venstre) Party.
- Public health: As people outside hospitals are healthier than those inside, the LP recommends that everybody stays home. LP also promotes fish consumption, particularly herring.
- National bird: The LP will replace the swan with a penguin as the Danish national bird. The penguin is the symbol for both socialism, liberalism and freedom.
- Taxes: LP will replace the present Danish tax system with donations and sponsorships. SSLUG has already achieved remarkable results with such a plan.
- Financing of public works projects: Politicians who propose new projects must secure funding on their own.
- Unemployment: Work should be voluntary. Unemployed people should be able to volunteer to help politicians collect funds for public works projects. This will improve relations among citizens and politicians since they will be standing side-by-side on the streets of Copenhagen pleading for money.
- Immigration: The LP does not recognize borders, so that anybody will be allowed to move to Denmark. The immigrants will have to learn Danish as part of the integration program, by translating free software from Danish to their native language.
- Defense: LP will replace the present compulsory military service with a volunteer Home Guard. The Danish international brigade will be financed by sponsorships and will be allowed to decide freely on every mission. For example, the brigade command might prefer to send its troops to London instead of Kosovo, as it is cheaper and most natives understand English.
- Environment: As LP considers itself as a counterpart for the German Green Party, the environment has the highest priority. Openness is the keyword: businesses, for instance, will have to provide informations on the pollution they generate. Every food item must be traceable from production to consumption, by marking it with the URL of the producer's website. A cattle farmer's website must contain pictures of the cows and information on any diseases they may have.
- Infrastructure: Broadband Internet connections for everyone!
The LP also aims to reunite the Swedish Skåne province with the Danish island Sjælland, thus creating a new nation. Skåne was a part of Denmark until 350 years ago. For this purpose the LP has established a Skåne chapter based in Malmö. It hasn't been decided what the new nation will be called, although some have suggested that the letters L-I-N-U-X appear in it.
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